When I first walked by Ever in the Cerebral Palsy orphanage, he pretended to be asleep. I obviously responded immediately by pretending to fall asleep on his face, and lemme tell you… He has a laugh that I'm never going to forget! The way he lights up every time I walk over to him, the way he starts to bite his hands so that I'll stop and pay attention to him, the way he lifts up his arms every time I tell him "Brazos!" so that he can experience what it's like to stand… he's perfect! Within the first week of laying on his mat with him (sometimes having shorts soaked in his pee), I said "Ever… you are teaching me how to love!"
And in the midst of doing this amazing ministry at the orphanage, Chelsey and I began another ministry in the town near us called the San Pedro Evening Ministry! We're loving the people there and building relationships with the people, particularly with my best Guatemalan friend Herson!
But today, ministry in Guatemala has looked completely different.
We started off the first 30 minutes of our morning at the orphanage with one of the precious little girls, Jessica, passing away. She had been suffering for so long, in more pain than most of the 76 kids there, and God answered our prayers for healing, maybe not in the way we thought He would, but she's in a place now with no more hurt, no more pain, no more disease.
The nurses asked if I could help them for a minute, and I helped them put her body in the chapel. It was difficult, to say the least.
And afterwards, I went into Ever's room and started playing with him. I spent the next half hour bouncing around the room from kid to kid – tossing a toy back to Brestly, holding Diego's hand and telling him that screaming isn't going to make his forthcoming bath any easier, stroking the little baby's cheek next to Ever's bed. And while I was crawling around on the floor waiting to pop up in front of Ever, I heard the little baby's crib start banging.
I popped up and grabbed the little baby's hand, and realized he was having a seizure. I screamed for the nurse to come over, but apparently this happens often enough that it's not a concern. So alls I knew to do was hold this baby's hand, keep him from kicking the metal crib, and pray.
I've never felt such a helpless 45ish seconds. I've never felt like things were so out of my control. I never felt like the literal only thing I could do was turn to God.
I've cried a few times today, and I've had more than a few conversations with God. And He said in one short sentence to me, "You're hurting because you care."
If I had just heard the story about all this happening, I never would have given it a second thought. But I've spent so much time loving these kids, pouring my heart (and their food) into them, getting to know them. It hurts when I see them go through this pain when I can't really help.
God doesn't promise me answers for why people are hurting the way they are, but He does instruct me to love them anyway.
"This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another… This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers… Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3
I'm instructed to love. Sometimes that love leads me to crazy upside-down carnival rides with Herson…
And today that love was expressed through being the one who cares during a really hard time. It hurts. A lot. Part of me keeps telling myself that it isn't worth the pain, but that's a lie.
What's love got to do with it? Everything.
